Religion and
Marriage
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by: Dr. Dennis W. Neder I have a girlfriend and she and I are in love. Almost everything is perfect – almost. We would really like to get married soon but there is a very subtle and fragile thing that seems to hinder the relationship and seeks to destroy it: Our religious beliefs. My girlfriend and I are of different faiths – I am Christian and she is not. I am not very devout in my religion but I believe some precious principles of it. I want to get married in a religious context, and have unity of religion with my partner. She wants to marry in a non-religious ceremony. There is also a rule of my faith that prevents me from getting married to her because she is not Christian. She gave me the strong reasons why she doesn't want to become a Christian and told me that I should accept her like she is. I have no problem with that and I don't want to change her, but I still worry about this rule. I really want to save this relationship but I don't know what to do. Can you help us? Thanks, =============== Hello! In effect, you are a religion-racist - a "religionist"! Take a look at your letter and substitute "race" for "religion" and some ethnicity for "Christian" and you'll see what I mean. Just as I hope you'd see it would be wrong to dislike someone because of their race, you need to understand that it's also wrong to dislike or to disagree with someone for their beliefs. You've even stated that you're not that devout, yet you still want to hold on to this belief that your girlfriend has to participate in your beliefs in order to marry you. That's not a very "mature" position on this in my opinion - especially when you consider that this is your wedding - and hers too! What's next? Will you also insist that she goes to church with you on Sundays, that she reads the bible with you, that she believes in exactly the same things you do in exactly the same way and not believe in others just as you do, and that your kids have to be raised exactly like that too - all for some principal that you, yourself don't even fully accept? Obviously, a person's beliefs are important to them, but the mistake you're making is that since your beliefs are of value and meaning to you, they should be of value and meaning to everyone else. I'd suggest you do one of the following:
The bottom line is this: any God(s) in any faiths that demand someone follow every piece of doctrine blindly and with prejudice probably isn't a God I'd want to follow. Remember: this is your FAITH; it's not everyone else’s FACT. There is a difference. Many faiths demand that you ignore this principle. All of the strife in the Middle East is based on this ignorance as an example. Best regards... ------------------------------------------------------------------ Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Copyright (c) 2006, Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved. About The Author Dr. Dennis W. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive. Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to http://beingaman.com. |